Weird Phrases

[sadsal123]

Dear all,

I had a conversation today about my post with my company and used the phrase: I seem to be permanently on a temporaty contract

It inspired me to start this thread...Has anyone used strange phrases like this?

[WK]

This is not in the same vain but I watched sponge bob with the kids the other day and sponge bob's alternative for a swear word was "sentence enhancer"!
Can anyone think of any comical "over the top" descriptions for simple items or words?

[sadsal123]

ah....Politically correct phrases.... get a load of these:

a woman.................a person of gender
actress.................actor
affliction..............condition
afro-american...........african-american
alien...................relative
alimony.................back salary
alive...................temporarily metabolically abled
angry...................passionate
animal trainer..........interspecies communicator
animals.................non-human beings
anti-abortion...........pro-life
argue...................share
argued..................shared feelings
arguing.................sharing
bad.....................different
bald....................comb-free
bald....................hair disadvantaged
ballboy.................ballchild
barmaid.................bar attendant
beautiful...............different
belief..................tentative inclination
bisexual................sexually non-preferential
blind...................visually challenged
blow one's nose.........deal with one's handkerchief
body odor...............nondiscretionary fragrance
book....................processed tree carcass
books...................processed tree carcasses
boring..................charm-free
boy.....................oppressor-to-be
boyfriend...............unpaid sex worker
broken home.............disfunctional family
brotherhood.............siblinghood
bum.....................displaced homeowner
cattle ranch............cattle concentration Camp
certain.................reasonably sure
certainly...............probably
certainty...............reasonable likelihood
chairman................chairperson
chicano.................person of color
cigarette smoking.......assault with a deadly weapon
clever..................different
closed..................somewhat unopen
clumsy..................uniquely coordinated
complain................share
conservative............reactionary
conservative............right wing extremist facist pig
convict.................ocially seperated
corpse..................nonliving person
crazy...................emotionally different
dead people.............disfunctional earth children
dead....................metabolically different
deaf....................aurally inconvenienced
deaf....................visually oriented
deformed................special
delicatessen............corpse farm
devil...................God's mischevious offspring
dirty...................consciousness expanding
disability..............special challenge
disabled................differently abled
disease.................condition
dish washer.............utensil sanitizer
dishonest...............ethically disoriented
disorganised............non-traditionally ordered
dog.....................canine companion
dominant................opressive
dominate................opress
dominated...............opressed
domination..............opression
doorman.................access controller
drooling drunk idiot....person on floor
drug addict.............chemically challenged
drunk...................spatially perplexed
dumb....................neuronically challenged
economically exploited..differently advantaged
egg ranch...............hen rapery
elderly.................longer living
european................Mutant Albino Global Minority
evil....................potentially good
false teeth.............alternative dentation
false...................seemingly not entirely correct
farmer..................exploiter of mother earth
farming.................exploiting mother earth
fat.....................stout
feminism................equitism
feminist................equitist
filthy..................consciousness expanding
fireman.................firefighter
fishing.................raping the oceans
foul....................challenging
freak...................gift from God
fur.....................dead animal skins
gang....................youth group
genius..................mentally different
ghetto..................pre-integrated pre-nirvana
girl friday.............assistant
girl watching...........street harassment
girl....................female person
girlfriend..............acquaintance rape survivor
girlfriends.............unpaid sex workers
girls...................young female persons
gorgeous................different
graffiti................people's art
grammar.................ethnocentric white patriarchal
restructuring
of language
great...................different
hairdresser.............hair stylist
hamburger...............seared mutillated animal flesh
hate....................dislike
hates...................dislikes
he or she or it.........h'orsh'it
he......................she
hearing person..........temporarily aurally abled
heir....................inheritron
heiress.................inheritron
heroine.................hero
heterosexual............blatantly heterosexual
history.................his'n'herstory
homeless................involuntarily undomiciled
homosexual..............gay
honey...................stolen nonhuman animal sweetener
hopeless................stepping stone
hostess.................host
housewife...............domestic engineer
housewife...............homemaker
humans..................human animals
hunter..................bambi butcher
hurricane...............himmicane
I.......................my humble self
ignorance...............alternative wisdom
ignorant................differently wise
illiterate..............alternatively schooled
illogical...............differently logical
immature................childlike
impaired................challenged
in fact.................seemingly
incompetent.............of different interests
inferior................different
inmate..................guest
inmates.................guests
insane people...........selectively perceptive
insolvent...............illiquid
intellect...............intuition
intelligence............intuition
intelligent.............intuitive
janitor.................environmental hygienist
jew.....................Jewish person
judge...................consider
junkie..................substance abuse survivor
kid.....................young person
kids....................young people
kinsmen.................kin
lazy....................of different interests
learning disability.....self-paced cognitive ability
leather.................dead animal skins
lesbian.................gynocentric be-ing
lesbianism..............gynocentric be-ing
liar....................a person creative with the facts
lie.....................constructive version of the facts
literary criticism......lit crit
logger..................treeslayer
lost....................temporarily misoriented
lover...................spouse equivalent
lovers..................spouse equivalents
lower classes...........downtrodden
lumberjack..............tree butcher

hmmm........

[DR]

ah....Politically correct phrases.... get a load of these:

actress, actor..............Waitperson

Fixed it.

[tom jupille]

My personal favorite is supposedly by Winston Churchill. Something to the effect that a statement he had made was not a lie, but rather a "terminological inexactitude".

[Russ]

Human resources.
Bias for action (a category in our annual review).

One of the categories in a previous annual review was for "perseverance in spite of obstacles or lack of support". Though this was probably one of the more honest things to come from HR.

Then there are marketing phrases such as "grow the business".

[GOM]

"Politicians have an enviable intellectual suppleness and moral maneuverability. Translation: You can't trust them further than you can throw them."

Taken from the UK TV series "Yes, minister"

More examples at
http://www.jonathanlynn.com/tv/yes_mini ... quotes.htm

Ralph