Chromatography Forum

Christmas is coming soon, and I wish you all have a pleased holiday!

For this English-language forum, everyone uses English with no other option either learning or chatting with others, you'll smile when you reading the following words, maybe someone read it previously:

Let's face it: English is a strange language.

There is no egg in eggplant, no ham in the hamburger and neither pine nor apple in the pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England, French fries were not invented in France. We sometimes take English for granted. But if we examine its paradoxes we find that quicksand takes you down slowly, boxing rings are square and guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig. If writers write, how come fingers don't fing? If the plural of tooth is teeth, shouldn't the plural of phone booth be phone beeth? If the teacher taught, does it follow that the preacher praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what the heck does a humanitarian eat!? Why do people recite at a play yet play at a recital? Park on driveways and drive on parkways. You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language where a house can burn up as it burns down and in which you fill in a form by filling it out. And a bell is only heard once it goes!

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race(which of course isn't a race at all). That is why when the stars are out they are visible , but when the lights are out they are invisible. And why it is that when I wind up my watch it starts but when I wind up this story it ends?

And more...Some food for "thought". Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is a person who plays the piano called pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist? Why a wise man and a wise guy opposites? Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things? If horrific means to make horrible, does terrific mean to make terrible? Why is it that if someone tells you that there are 1 billion stars in the universe you will believe them, but if they tell you a wall has wet paint you will have to touch it to be sure? If you take an Oriental person and spin him round seveal times, does he become disoriented? If people from Poland are called "Poles", why aren't people from Holland called "Holes"?

Speaking English is even more complicated:

Why are words that are spelled the same way not pronounced the same way? Or why are other words pronounced the same way, but not spelled the same?

Should you be afraid of the threat to get a treat?

On the other hand, what if you are the lone holder of a bank loan?

A close encounter with a boar is rarely a bore.

What do you do if your employees are insensitive to incentives?

And closer to home:
Flash chromatography is our flesh and blood. (Ever tried to explain flesh chromatography to a non-chemist?)

My wife is a sign language interpreter, and she cannot stand the oddities of her native English language. Too many homophones, the 'i before e' rules, prepositions, adverbs, etc. It's hard enough for her as a native speaker - she has to translate it to people who can't hear!

And more...Some food for "thought". Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

This one is easy...
It's because of the men who invested our money that we are broke.


After 51yrs I still can tell my adverb from my elbow.

Best wishes to everyone for Christmas and a happy and prosperous New Year.

Dave

We need some new words in English.

Like a new term for "adult children"

Like a new term for "live at home". Which brings to mind: I live at home, home is wherever I live. And if a homeless person's "adult children" live with him/her, do they "live at home" ?

When a ball comes flying into the stands, why do people yell "heads up" instead of "heads down" ?

Career criminal

Criminal mastermind

Friendly fire


TV/Film Perpetuated Lies:
Fast forwarding/reversing of audio and vide tapes produces audible sound from the recording

Smothering/choking takes only a few seconds

Most everyone wears pajamas, robes, and slippers

No one seems to use keys to unlook home doors, and that police and criminals can quickly/readily pick locks

Ice buckets are always “miraculouslyâ€

And some more strangeness:

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8.) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18.) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

I just found a good one:

mass laudability

Mass deserving commendation or praise? Quality English indeed!

Maybe somebody or something needs to be honored in mass...

I found it in a science paper as an incorrect spelling of loadability.

The author probably put too much faith in their spell checker.

"loadability" isn't in my MS-Word default dictionary, and "laudability" is suggested as an alternative.

I think we have a tendency to rely too much on technology:
http://www.randyshomestead.com/jokebook ... k_poem.htm

yeah but we only have one word for snow.

Flakes, flurries, blizzard, white-out. We may have only one word for snow, but these are just a few of the ways we describe snow. So when you hear or read that English only has one word for snow while Inuit has many, that is not strictly accurate. Many of the Inuit words are descriptive of the type of snow and the rate of fall.

I live in south texas, it's all snow to me

If I remember correctly, the proper phrase to use when looking out the window and seeing a few snowflakes in the air is, "Great, I don't have to go to work today, everything is closed!"

For me English is a second language and now after ten years I finally can avoid some very embarrassing double meaning words. To this day I keep asking my husband born in US why some things are spelled or used certain way and all I get is a puzzled look on his face.
Some of the words have such a little difference in pronunciation for a foreigner that many times I give up and just spell out loud the one I'm trying to say