Dumbest Analysis?

[whdees]

in all my years of dealing with unusual, silly, or downright stupid requests, I have to say the dumbest was the guy who wanted trace level Total Organic Carbon on a quart of petroleum-based motor oil... I think I hurt his feelings when I actually laughed at him.

What are some of the really dumb requests you have gotten over the years?

[Consumer Products Guy]

A Director asked us to assay a product for what was present, but also to confirm substances that were absent. So co-worker, realizing that his request was a lifetime plus job, asked the Director if he wanted us to start with the "A" substances and work our way through to the "Z" substances, or if he wanted us to go from Z to A, and the Director walked off in a hissy fit.

Surely, there was nothing to be gained to "confirm" that such product contained no plutonium, no cyanide, no heroin, etc......



Another was to determine if a bean-shaped stone claimed to be present in a can of chili with beans really was produced with that stone in it (person claimed he broke a tooth on it). Sorry, I wasn't in his kitchen at the time the can was opened....

I could/should probably write a book.

[whdees]

reminds me of the lady who brought in a chunk of a clear, hard, flat substance, and wanted to know if it was glass or plastic.... one Bic lighter and 3 minutes confirmed it was plastic. I wrote a one sentence report and charged her 25 bucks...

and then there was the guy who wanted Total Organic Carbon on about 50 samples of rotting fish and shellfish...boy, that was a fun project!

[James_Ball]

We had a client once that wanted full TCLP analysis on all of their waste products. That included full TCLP Volatiles on a container of Methylene Chloride. Needless to say they didn't like the detection limits after the sample was diluted one million to one, just to protect the purge and trap.


There are so many sample we receive in "improper containers", I got one once that was water which the client wanted analyzed for trace metals, it was taken in a Sprite bottle.

[KM-USA]

Yesteray I ran some assays for a quarterly "audit" that was put into place to check for correct addition of a relatively expensive component in a formulation following start-up. Well, that was years ago, and we look at three random pulls from a 3-month production (after the fact). I send the data back to the tech at the production facility, but no one cares what the results actually are. So no one looks at the data, but they have completed their obligation.

But since there's a protocol calling for quarterly analysis, that program continues, no one wants to take responsibility for saying that it was a good idea to check on start-up of production, but no longer needed.

Reminds me of the bridge in Civil War in The Good, The Bad and The Ugly: neither side knew why they were ordered to take the bridge, but could not destroy it either or let enemy have it, so there were two brutal hand-to-hand attacks per day with tons of casualties (actually an anti-war film).

[juddc]

Not dumb per se, but unusual: I was asked if I could assay for trace iron by HPLC. After a couple of days of reading and fiddling (and advising management that HPLC is an atypical method for metals analysis), I came up with a reversed phase assay for Fe2+ by complexing it with 1,10-phenanthroline . If I recall correctly, I was able to assay down to the single digit ppb range & the boss seemed happy.

[bunnahabhain]

But I guess you used a PEEK HPLC rather than stainless steel, right?

[juddc]

Peek for the tubing, but the column I had was actually SS. The system had been passivated, so there were no issues I recall regarding background. This was specific to Fe2+, it was a one-off analysis, and management knew better than to try to make it SOP for anything, so I didn't pursue it beyond a calibration,, system suitability, and recovery experiment.

Cheers!

[whdees]

I am also reminded of the customer who brought in a factory sealed bucket of floor wax, with the original label still in place, and an MSDS on top of the bucket, asking for "full TCLP" so they would know how to properly dispose of it...they were not amused when I told them to go wax a floor with the stuff. I was not amused trying to do pesticides, herbicides, and semivols on floor wax... {sigh}

[James_Ball]

We just got a new one last week where the client wanted full TCLP on a sample that looked like mostly water with a little oily residue on top. Since it would pass through the filter, it became a Waste Dilution prep so the extraction person proceeded to make me a split by putting some in a 40ml VOA vial. When he went to label it he could hardly touch it because it was so hot. He set the vial in the hood and went to get the supervisor and as he walked away the vial exploded.

After contacting the client, they said "Oh yea, it could have some hydrofluoric acid in it".

Some?

Needless to say, 10,000x dilutions all around before even beginning that one.

[juddc]

I'm sorry guys, but reading these makes me ever so glad to have left the environmental lab biz 20 years ago. I worked in a couple of crazy places and I see some things haven't changed (much). I hope lab safety regs are better enforced, though.

[Steve Reimer]

We had some HF samples come through without warning, in our case it was from abandoned drums. It excites the safety people to no end. Not as much at the lab as those in charge of the samplers.
James, I hope someone sent the client information on the safe handling of HF. It isn't nice to kill unsuspecting lab employees.

[lmh]

Agreed, if anyone gave me a sample that dangerous without warning, it would be the last sample of theirs that my lab ever handled.

Over the years, I've several times been approached by someone holding a single vial and asking me to report on how their experimental treatment affected the profile of chemicals in the sample. Um.... what is the sound of one hand clapping? Wouldn't it be nice if I had an untreated control for comparison? Wouldn't it be even nicer if I had replicates of each so we can assess which differences might be significant, and which are just random variation?

But I shouldn't grumble; I'd be equally naïve in designing experiments in their fields of expertise.

[Consumer Products Guy]

I'd be equally naïve in designing experiments in their fields of expertise.

No, you wouldn't.

Because your experience in Analytical Chemistry has taught you to consider many facets of the issue.

[James_Ball]

Agreed, if anyone gave me a sample that dangerous without warning, it would be the last sample of theirs that my lab ever handled.

The sad thing is many of these clients have no idea what is in their samples, even when coming from very large international companies.

Samples coming from government entities is even worse lol.

We had one a long time ago that arrived and the sample description was "Ballister". We are all thinking this is some wood taken from a stair well somewhere. The GC guy runs it for PCBs and it pegs the detector for that injection and two more. Turns out "Ballister" actually meant a "Balast" in a fluorescent light fixture